I should pick better times to come and be with nature, but I have to tutor at the private school I work at by night so, I'm going to have to make this count. I'm sitting on the stump listening to the crunch and crackle of my neighbor pull up her drive way. They didn't do any better clearing their ice than we did and now the tires splinter the ice like panes of glass.
The weather man keeps saying its going to warm up soon and all I can think about is what's hidden been this ice-scape I call my back yard. A few brownish flecks dead grass dotted the receding ice flow like whiskers and it gives me hope--or maybe hope's not the right word, but it makes me believe that there will be an end to this eternal cold. I have to laugh at myself even as I shiver. What the hell kind of mountain kid am I? I've gone soft. I've gotten old. That's what's happened.
When I was younger, my friends and I would spend all night playing tackle football in my back yard and the ice only made it more fun. It proved your toughness as you lunged through the air and mashed the other guy into the ice. By the end of our games the entire backyard would be shattered. We'd have sore ribs and scraped lips, but we never complained like this, bitching about 8 degrees with snot crystallizing in our noses and our team down two scores.
Maybe that's the biggest reason for my whining: I'm alone. I'm sitting out here wishing for action, for something to write about, but there's nothing and no one to talk to or at least be mocked by. I think toughness and my ability to endure nature requires me to have something to prove. I know that doesn't say anything good about my individuality, but as I grow older and I have no more friends around, my sense of adventure and mental toughness has withered away.
I need to revert, at least mentally to a time when friends would still come over and play football, when I could tolerate anything as long as there was cup of hot chocolate waiting for me somewhere. Tonight as I stand up and head for my car, all I have waiting for me is obnoxious girls who don't feel like doing their homework on their own. Spoon feeding.
Chris, your honesty in this post is really inspiring. It's amazing how much we all change over time. You'd think people would grow to be more tolerant and adaptable as they move past childhood, but that's rarely the case.
ReplyDeleteI also agree about noticing the cold less when I have company, especially if we're engaged in a physical activity, like skiing, sledding or ice skating. When I'm alone and just walking two blocks to the dry cleaners, I complain about the temperature like there's no tomorrow.
I think we're all getting restless, hoping for signs that this long season is almost over. Perhaps your next entry can focus on seeing if there are hints? Details that are, if only slightly and almost imperceptibly, changing in this place?
ReplyDeleteI'm getting tired of the cold too, and I'm looking for hints everywhere. I've found them, but they are easy to forget when the freezing temperatures cause my exposed skin to ache. I really want to be able to spend long periods of time outdoors. I'm already creating a list of activities I want to do once it's warm enough to spend the days outside. The little signs that the winter will end are like rays of hope though, and they remind me to appreciate the seasons individually. I still love those moments after the snow has stopped falling, and everything is pure and white. Those moments help me continue loving this season.
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